May 12, 2008 SULTAN OF BRUNEI ASSASSINATED! Rockets down the Royal Helicopter. Mainland Chinese hitmen suspected. (More photos, page 3.) BANDAR SERI BAGAWAN, BRUNEI -- This morning at 10:00 a.m. Manila time, the Sultan of Brunei, who is considered as perhaps one of the wealthiest and one of the most benevolent rulers in the world, was to dedicate a new hospital for the hill tribes of the upper Lembang Valley. The Royal Helicopter, a lavishly appointed Sikorsky S-76, never made it to the hospital, however. Just as it was coming into view of the various officials standing by, two shoulder-fired missiles arced out of a nearby mangrove in rapid succession. The first missile hit the port engine, shredding cables and fuel lines, sending the helo careening and spinning toward the ground. The second, however, hit squarely and must have ignited the spilling fuel, as it turned the maimed chopper into a horrendous fireball in the sky. After the wreckage hit the ground, only dental records could identify the bodies. Rumors here in the capital indicate that a Communist Chinese hit team was responsible, which would comply with growing fears about Brunei's tense relationship with that country over the newly discovered oil pools off the coast of Seri. These reserves could perhaps be the biggest at-sea petroleum find since the North Sea fields in the 1970s. Many countries, envying Brunei's good fortune, have laid claims to these fields however, including both Mainland China and Taiwan, Indonesia, Singapore, and Malaysia. While Malaysia, with its growing population, economic woes, and simmering ethnic tensions, has always been thought to be the most threatening to Brunei's security in recent years, the Malays have been particularly silent on the oil issue lately. The Crown Prince, the eldest son of the sultan, will most likely assume the Sultanate as soon as ceremonies can be arranged. (Associated Press) ************************************************** May 13, 2008 (A clipping from Newsweek) (Photo of newly crowned sultan, aboard the Royal Yacht "Nipples" ) MUARI, BRUNEI Flashbulbs sparkled like fireflies, as reporters from all over the world pried over each other's shoulders to get a glimpse of Brunei's new leader, Jefri, the half-brother of the recently assassinated Sultan of Brunei. The coronation ceremony was hastily assembled, evidently as a means of restoring order to the tiny country as quickly as possible. The new Sultan, in his coronation speech, revealed a shocking discovery. "We have uncovered evidence that our beloved Sultan was killed in a plot by the former Crown Prince Omar, who has apparently fled the capital. We have reason to believe that he was working secretly with the Mainland Chinese to sell off a large share of the oil fields for his own personal gain." Most people were left dumbstruck by this news, as the Crown Prince has always been the most loved of the royal family. "We are a tiny country," he continued, "whose only fault was to be blessed with natural fossil fuels off our shores, which other countries covet. We can no longer tolerate the threat of foreign powers and their treachery. After speaking with representatives of the people, and our most honorable religious leaders, we have decided to formally request admission to the great Federation of Malaysian States. With the protection of our native island brothers, we can once again breathe the air of freedom." The Sultan, flanked by both Bruneisian and Malaysian generals beneath the two lifeboats, Tits1 and Tits2 went on to assure his people that he had spoken with the Malaysian Prime Minister to ensure that the exchange in currency would be most favorable, and that all of Brunei's customs and traditions would be respected, etcetera, etcetera. While not completely ill at ease in front of the press, one couldn't help but feel that there was something amiss, as if the entire speech had been somehow... rehearsed. But soon the orchestra started up, and no one seemed to notice the awkwardness of the occasion, or the celebratory gunfire going on to the south, which seemed to be increasing at an alarming rate. ************************************************** May 14, 2008 GURKHA REGIMENT TO BE HONORED IN NEPAL KATMANDU -- The 7th Gurkha Rifles Regiment, one of several mercenary units from a Nepalese hill tribe with a long tradition of service in the British army, are to be honored for their years of bravery and professionalism in combat, at a special ceremony by their Hindu monarch, the King of Nepal. The 7th Rifles were recently hired by the late Sultan of Brunei to guard the famed Seria oilfields. They will be flown here from Brunei at the expense of the British Government, while the 14th Rifles will rotate in temporarily to cover their duties. ************************************************** May 15, 2008 REVOLT IN BRUNEI! Royal Guard Rejects new Sultan; Malaysian Troops invited to put down rebellion BANDAR SERI BEGAWAN -- Brunei's Royal Guard, the military arm of the Sultanate in this country, has refused to recognize the newly coronated Jefri as the the ruler of their country. Skirmishes have been reported throughout the capital where Royal Guardsmen have secured several government buildings, including the Royal Palace and the U.S. Embassy. According to sources at the embassy, the Royal Guard claims that the assassination of their former sultan was a plot by the new sultan, not the Crown Prince Omar. The whereabouts of Prince Omar is not known. The new Sultan, still on his yacht "Nipples" in the port of Muara, has called the accusations 'ridiculous,' and has asked Malaysia to step in and help crush the rebellion. He has already asked for official admittance into the Malaysian states, which could happen as early as next week. Reports of gunfire were heard in Muara as early as Wednesday, the night of the coronation, but were dismissed as merely celebratory shots in the air by nearby soldiers. It now appears that turmoil and mutiny have been going on for several days throughout the country. While most of the rebellion seems to have been crushed quickly, the Royal Guard appears to be holding out against Brunei's police and militia. They will be no match for the Malaysians, however, who will probably be in the capital in several days, as they have one of the largest armed forces in the Western Pacific, next to Australia, China and Indonesia. ************************************************** May 16, 2008 MALAYSIAN TROOPS STORM INTO BRUNEI! Pacific Rim Rivals in an Uproar Conspiracy Theories Emerge BANDAR SERI BEGAWAN, BRUNEI -- Acting on behalf of the new Sultan of Brunei, or so they say, Malaysian troops stormed poured across the Brunei border today to restore order to this tiny country and crush the rebellion led by the previous sultan's Royal Guard. This infuriated its neighbors, including the Phillipeans, Singapore, Viet Nam, Indonesia and Taiwan, who have all coveted Brunei's disproportionate share, geographically, of the famed Spratly oil fields in the South China Sea. A Malaysian takeover would mean Malaysia would not only get Brunei's oil, but a share of the Spratley offshore fields as well. Almost all of the Pacific Rim countries, with the exception of Singapore who is remaining neutral, have lodged formal protests with the U.N., claiming Malaysia somehow engineered the coup and arranged to have the new sultan assume power as Malaysia's puppet. While these claims seem a bit far-fetched, there admittedly were some rather strange, inexplicable events that give this theory weight. The fact that troops entered the country so quickly, for instance, gives rise to the suspicion that Malaysia was expecting these events all along. The U.S. has joined in the protest, warning Malaysia to cease-fire on the Royal Guard until the facts were sorted out. President Alec Baldwin today ordered a battalion of paratroopers to embark to Guam as a show of force. Mainland China, perhaps Malaysia's fiercest rival over the Spratly oil fields, remained ominously silent. ************************************************** GURKHAS DELAYED, OIL FIELDS UNATTENDED The 14th Gurkha Rifles, scheduled to fly in to Bandar Seri Begawan in Brunei several days ago to guard the hotly contested oil fields in Seria, still have not arrived. When asked about the delay, British diplomats offered their profuse apologies -- problems with paperwork, they said. The Seri oil fields have come under a great deal of scrutiny in recent days during the recent political turmoil following the assassination of the Sultan. The oil fields were left unattended when the 7th Gurkha Rifles left to attend a royal ceremony in Nepal. ************************************************** MALAYSIAN GOV'T PROPOSES PEACE TALKS WITH U.S. U.N. Sec'y General Hails Gesture as 'Positive' U.S. agrees, but Skeptical In a surprise move, Malaysian officials offered to discuss a peaceful settlement of the Brunei affair, including the possibility of withdrawing its troops. This was unexpected by most political analysts, who generally regard the Malaysian government as aggressive and confrontational. President Alec Baldwin, in his daily press conference (which he seems to enjoy holding even when there isn't any world crisis going on), said he was pleased by this turn of events, and hoped that the two countries could work out their differences, but noted that there was some element of suspicion in the motivation for these negotiations. Some insiders seem to think this gesture was merely a tactic to buy the Malaysian army more time to build defenses. Talks are being scheduled for sometime next week. Meanwhile, fighting continues in Brunei, as the Royal Guard, still loyal to the Crown Prince, clashed with Malaysian troops just arriving from the border. Tourists and business people, caught by surprise by the sudden change of events these last weeks are frantically trying to find flights home as they crowd the U.S. Embassy. The embassy is in the district still controlled by the Royal Guard. ************************************************** CONFUSION, ANGER CAUSED BY ERRORS IN MALAYSIAN TRANSLATION, PENTAGON SAYS. WASHINGTON D.C. -- Some of the recent confusion and tension between the U.S. and Malaysia was due to inaccurate translation on the part of interpreters, Defense officials said today. The officials spoke in response to some questions over taunting communiques to each side's embassies made over the last few days. One controversy surrounded a statement by a U.S. Commander who made reference to being privvy to a great deal of sensitive information about Malaysia's planning. This implied that the U.S. had ill-gotten, inside information, or perhaps had been spying on Malaysia. This was apparently due to poor translation on the part of U.S. interpreters. U.S. diplomats promptly apologized for the error. Malaysia, meanwhile, stirred up some confusion themselves when a high level commander mentioned that his government was still 'looking for the true heir' to the throne of Brunei, when in fact Malaysia was already supporting the currently ruling Prince Jefri as sultan. Malaysian officials explained today that this comment originated not from a member of the Malaysian diplomatic service, but from a commander in their Armed Forces who apparently was misinformed, or confused. Malaysia apologized for this error, also. With this matter settled, talks between the Secretary of State and the Malaysian Prime Minister will continue to go forward, sources said, and will probably take place later this week. It is hoped that some peaceful agreement can be reached in regard to the recent crisis in Brunei. "Return of the Dead," The unofficial biography of Indonesian President Suharto, is a spellbinding account how one of the most controversial and feared leaders was ousted from power during the economic crisis of '98, only to worm his way back into power a few years later. Given that he is now in his 90's and runs the country from an oxygen tent at a hospital in Djakarta, the book's title may be more appropriate than originally intended. ************************************************** SHAKEUP AT THE PENTAGON! Prez names new Pacific Commander on eve of talks with Malaysia. WASHINGTON D.C. -- President Alec Baldwin has appointed Maj. General Ned Keneeder as head of all arms forces in the Pacific (CINCPAC), a White House spokesperson said today. The news caught many people offguard, including some high level commanders in all branches of service, as they were not anticipating any drastic changes in command at this late date. The President, posing with Gen. Keneeder at today's press conference, declined to comment on the reorganization of the military, saying only that the decision was arrived at reasonably and amicably with all parties involved. Tomorrow the President is meeting with Malaysian Prime Minister to see if they can work out their differences over the recent invasion of Brunei. DID YOU KNOW... That Britain hires some of their soldiers from Nepal? They're called Gurkhas, and they are paid handsomely for their ferocious fighting ability, even though, by and large, they are not extremely well equipped. There are 13 Gurkha Rifle Regiments in existence today. ************************************************** ARMS RACE! Recruitment is high; Military ranks swell on both sides of the Pacific! WASHINGTON D.C. -- Even as President Baldwin was about to embark on his so-called 'peace mission' to the Pacific, recruitment for war duty appears to be stronger than ever, according to both U.S. Marine and U.S. Navy sources. "Several new high-level officers were commissioned in the last few days, and a number of new recruits were sworn in for Reserve duty," said one source. Many predict that even the boys on reserve duty may get to see action before the month is out. Just as active, however, were Malaysia's armed forces, which lately seem to be inspiring a lot of new recruitment as well in the wake of their recent 'peaceful' takeover of Brunei. Apparently, both countries have begun to realize that many of their senior officers will not be available for active duty throughout all four of the weeks of June. Both have been making strides to fill predicted gaps in their command structure, and more Reserves are being sought on both sides, to prevent any loss of command and control. Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Rick E. Tickey, was pleased at the results of the new wave of patriotism in the U.S., but showed concern over the fact that the Malaysians seem to be keeping pace with the U.S. efforts at recruitment. ************************************************** SHAKEUP AT THE PENTAGON! Prez names new Pacific Commander on eve of talks with Malaysia. WASHINGTON D.C. -- President Alec Baldwin has appointed Maj. General Ned Keneeder as head of all arms forces in the Pacific (CINCPAC), a White House spokesperson said today. The news caught many people offguard, including some high level commanders in all branches of service, as they were not anticipating any drastic changes in command at this late date. The President, posing with Gen. Keneeder at today's press conference, declined to comment on the reorganization of the military, saying only that the decision was arrived at reasonably and amicably with all parties involved. Tomorrow the President is meeting with Malaysian Prime Minister to see if they can work out their differences over the recent invasion of Brunei. DID YOU KNOW... That Britain hires some of their soldiers from Nepal? They're called Gurkhas, and they are paid handsomely for their ferocious fighting ability, even though, by and large, they are not extremely well equipped. There are 13 Gurkha Rifle Regiments in existence today. ************************************************** ARMS RACE! Recruitment is high; Military ranks swell on both sides of the Pacific! WASHINGTON D.C. -- Even as President Baldwin was about to embark on his so-called 'peace mission' to the Pacific, recruitment for war duty appears to be stronger than ever, according to both U.S. Marine and U.S. Navy sources. "Several new high-level officers were commissioned in the last few days, and a number of new recruits were sworn in for Reserve duty," said one source. Many predict that even the boys on reserve duty may get to see action before the month is out. Just as active, however, were Malaysia's armed forces, which lately seem to be inspiring a lot of new recruitment as well in the wake of their recent 'peaceful' takeover of Brunei. Apparently, both countries have begun to realize that many of their senior officers will not be available for active duty throughout all four of the weeks of June. Both have been making strides to fill predicted gaps in their command structure, and more Reserves are being sought on both sides, to prevent any loss of command and control. Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Rick E. Tickey, was pleased at the results of the new wave of patriotism in the U.S., but showed concern over the fact that the Malaysians seem to be keeping pace with the U.S. efforts at recruitment. ************************************************** TENSIONS FLARE AT MANILA PEACE TALKS! Malaysia shocks U.S. with new demands; President Baldwin assails M'sia's 'Expansionist' Policies. Asks U.N. for sanctions. MANILA -- A new volcano erupted in the Pacific Rim today, as explosions of anger spewed from the leaders of both Malaysia and the U.S., leaving both sides scorched by searing comment. It had been hoped that the talks would help ease the tensions created last week, when Malaysian troops marched into Brunei -- an act that has provoked an outcry among other Southeast Asian countries, especially the U.S. But almost immediately, the Prime Minister began asserting new demands, including a proclamation that Malaysia's sea rights would extend 200 miles beyond its current international limits. Its current limit of territorial waters is 12 miles. "Malaysia is a dangerous, expansionist regime, pure and simple," said President Baldwin, who's face was still red after several hours of arguing. "First they steal a country, and now they want to steal international waters. Their sheer gall is astounding." The Prime Minister insisted, however, that the troops were only sent on request of Brunei's sovereign, and for Brunei's own protection. He asserted that this protection was only natural, given that Brunei is soon expected to be a member of the Federation of Malaysian States. The President answered with threats of military intervention, saying the U.S. would evict Malaysian troops by force, if necessary. At the same time he called for U.N. sanctions against Malaysia, until such time as they withdraw their troops from Brunei. Talks are scheduled to continue, but there seems to be little hope for progress. The President, wary of being viewed as "trigger happy," however, made a point of pursuing an agreement by peaceful means as long as possible before turning to force. "Peace first," he said. "Then, once we've exhausted every possible means for peace, we will not hesitate to use force if we have to." ************************************************** May 31, 2008 U.N. AGREES TO ECONOMIC SANCTIONS AGAINST MALAYSIA Stops short of backing up sanctions with force, however. Prime Minister accuses U.S. of 'strongarm' tactics The U.N. Security Council passed economic sanctions against Malaysia today, in an effort to force its troops to withdraw from Brunei until the current political situation there can be investigated. Mainland China abstained. The U.S. was somewhat humiliated, however, by its failed attempt to gain backing for using military force. The U.S. was hoping to be given a mandate to evict Malaysia from Brunei. Meanwhile, in Manila, peace talks were postponed one more day in view of the heated controversy. The Malaysian Prime Minister did meet with the press briefly, however, to say that even though the U.S. was using its political clout to hurt Malaysia, he had every intention of resolving the issue peacefully. This comment may have heen what made the UN back off from supporting U.S. military action. ************************************************** June 2, 2008 MALAYSIA LAUNCHES MASSIVE ATTACK AGAINST BRUNEI'S ROYAL GUARD Prime Minister's 'Mision of Peace' Seen as a Ruse; U.S. condemns attacks, U.N reconsiders a military mandate. BANDAR SERI BEGAWAN -- At 7:12 this morning, Malaysian troops stormed into the River Quarter of this capital city in a full-scale attack against Brunei's Royal Guards. This attack gave further evidence that Malaysia has little interest in keeping the peace, in spite of the Prime Minister's speeches. President Alec Baldwin, flanked by the press and his make-up artist outside his Manila hotel, said he would once again press for a military mandate from the U.N., to allow the U.S. to clear Malaysian troops from Brunei by force. "The only reason why we did not receive that mandate before was that Malaysia showed signs of wanting peace. First, by calling for the peace talks, second, by their delay to attack the Royal Guard. Now we know that both were merely means of deception to gain time." Without a U.N. mandate, the U.S. has no authority to attack Malaysia. The Prime Minister stood his ground, however, saying that the crushing of the rebellion was a civil matter, and that Malaysia was just acting in behalf of its neighbor and possibly soon-to-be state, Brunei. The annexation of Brunei cannot begin, however, until the capital is under control of the new sultan's regime, so that the Brunei Parliament can assemble and vote on the issue. The Prime Minister said that while he admitted that the Royal Guard dissention was unfortunate, it is a domestic issue, and that the United States had no business meddling. He did, however, give every assurance that the U.S. embassy personnel will be treated with hospitality and grace, as long as they do not meddle either. The Manila Peace talks will continue for one more day, in a last-ditch hope that the issue can be somehow resolved. Most political analysts, however, remain skeptical.